You Used to be Fun.

Yes yes , I am back. No, I will not tell you where I have been lest it changes the whole idea of this article. No, I do not promise consistency because we all know that this is usually easier said than done. It wasn’t writer’s block I swear. I have had ideas , had them written down somewhere I think I lost the book or maybe I am trying to find a scapegoat. I have just been too FOMO to actually bring any of them to life. Let’s do this again, shall we?

I hate my job. Full stop. Thats it , That’s all.

When you are jobless you keep telling yourself that a job would solve 90% of your problems or at least make your problems better. You say you will develop great financial skills since you would have worked really hard to earn that money. You say you will eat healthier and as time goes by completely give up on junk food.You say you will wake up earlier since now you actually have a reason to wake up, even if that reason is to make some Indian man millions.You even dump Instagram for linked in, take more professional photos, you know for your portfolio.

Then, you get to the ground, it really is fun, you feel important.There is something you can do and someone is willing to pay you to do it. You meet new peeps, you learn about the work culture. You even buy a water bottle to be walking around with, something you have dreamt of doing for a while now. You even consider a diet. All you see is growth.You are highly motivated. You do your best.

You make new friends. You have weekly dinners , you move to a new town, new house. It really is a new year for you, things are actually changing and changing rapidly , you love it here. It’s your happy place. Or is it ?

3 months down the line, you start wondering if you have become a robot. Have you really been doing the same thing every day for months now? Do you have a routine now? then why are you not a billionaire? they all have routines right? Wait, you actually wake up, pee,shower brush, get to work, close after 8 hours and do the same things again tomorrow? You can’t admit it. You used to be fun,what happened? Can’t hang with friends now? What really happened? You tell yourself it’s just been three months it could get better. Maybe if you mastered the routine well enough you could beat it at it’s own game.

Your goal is to get home and psyche yourself to fo more ‘fun’ things since you never get to do them anyway, one little problem though. YOU ARE TIRED, the spirit is willing but the flesh is too tired. You end up scrolling your phone for hours end on, with the TV as your background noise , till you pass out on the couch and wake up on your alarm’s first ring, sh*t! You did it again. You better pee quick or you’ll be late for work and trust me it’s not a situation you wanna be in.

Its been 6 months now , and you still don’t gerrit, you can’t afford to foger abourrit either, (please tell me you gerrit)

How did you get here? Because clearly they don’t deserve you. They are sleeping on you .You with your degree. Aah! how did you get caught up with these other peeps? You have wings already and you only need to fly. You call your mum and all she has to say is that we all start somewhere and that it does get better. After all she did it for 34 years , you surely and can do it. So you hold on.

It’s been a year now and you have decided to float through it, just do what needs to be done when it needs to be done and try to get a little bit of life out of it. This fully depends on your definition of life. Such is life. And maybe it does get better.

I am not speaking from experience because from what I know, better never stays. You get what you wanted and then you start wanting other things , you almost sound ungrateful but at the same time you have to hope and work towards better everything.

Lastly, can we all agree that this  covid thing is not going away anytime soon and resort to the ‘hobbies’ we acquired when the pandemic hit? I am back to writing, you should consider baking, or was it tiktok? I don’t know man whatever you tried then, get back to it. For now ,I just want to bam ba and hang with the big boys.

A good day.

The thought of creating a section in this blog just for rants and call it ‘rants with me’ has been in my mind for a while now, but then I realise I do it in every piece I could as well rename the whole thing. But I shall not, opinionated sounds cooler, more corporate, English? Superior? you decide. I also thought of Obinionated , Obino- Obinionated? no? Okay. Obino is my surname (pun intended).

But not today, today is a good day I shall not rant. Someone told me I am better narrator than I am a writer and most times I envision these pieces in video form. My very raw reactions would be out there for the world to see, the tone in my voice would be heard and maybe you would relate. I prefer to put it down on paper that way my thoughts are better organised. Doing this in video form would let my personality would take over and we would miss the whole point. I will keep going round and round in circles because I would have so many mid- stories. I actually care about the orderliness of the way you consume my content so no, we are not taking this to youtube.

Today is a good day because I woke up and just wanted to write. I haven’t in a long time so this must be the sign. No sun today but that’s the whole point learning to smile on non-sunny days. To appreciate the silver when the gold runs out. I have been away for a while, for reasons I can’t quite pen down. I took a social media break involuntarily. A thing that I would highly recommend in this content creation age. I basically wanted to dissappear,well I came close.

The first days, you feel guilty for avoiding your friends. But then you get over it since you like the place you are in. There is the thought of loosing touch in my case since people couldn’t read me anymore. There are the questions that concerned people will ask all in good will but they will come off as offensive for no apparent reason. Then there is a mind-fuck that you get where you can see your social life slipping away and do nothing about it.

Midway through, you have your bad days, an exorcise if I may. Those days you didn’t want to argue with the donda because of 10 bob show up. Those days you smiled at a kid when they had just slapped you, the days someone stepped on you in tao on your way to an interview, oh they show up. The little angers and dissatisfactions you thought you brushed away they come right back. You start thinking that you should have done something, anything, called the emergency number on the sticker in the bus, just slap the damn kid, step on their shoes too. You live through it as if it were all happening again.

You start questioning your likes and dislikes and vetting them.You start questioning your love for cake since now it is unhealthy. You wonder if githeri and avocado slaps or you just miss your highschool days. You wonder if you are really pretty or just lightskin. Every little thing becomes questionable. You spend hours staring at yourself in the mirror and realise that you actually have a social media smile and a genuine smile. The fact that these two smiles are different is the greatest disparity of all.

Then you start loving it, the silence, the exploration of you as a person outside of people, their takes and their opinions. Then you find out things about yourself that you had no idea they exist. Took me 22 years to find my birthmark…22! .You explore things you had no time for in the past  and surprisingly it fulfils.The gratification is waaay better, it lasts longer and it is genuine.

Now you want to stay, and never leave but there is a constant universe that keeps moving and you cannot afford to stay in one place, no matter how much you love it. And you added weight so yes a little movement would not hurt.

P.c: me

Also the sun just came up, it actually is a good day to have a good day.

The duff

Designated Ugly Fat Friend, you either have one, know one, or have been one, no in betweens. When we come down to colour they tend to be the darkest, if we are talking body size they tend to be the ones with the most weight, if we are talking brains they tend to be retarded. The odd one out, the candle holder, the stepping stone, the less popular one, the more accessible one. Boys would call her the cockblocker.

Mostly found in groupies, girl groupies. They are either full of attitude or a fly on the wall. Too loud or too quiet, they have mastered the technique of extremism yet they get used all the time. They run errands for popular girls, they do things that would be considered embarrasing if the group diva did it. They do the dirty job all in the name of ‘friendship’ or the one they like most ‘a sense of belonging’

https://opinionated.co.ke/single.php?id=29

You are so strong,

The first time someone told me that, I was 6. I had been out playing with this boy, can’t recall his face or name now. We were playing piggy back, we took turns carrying each other on our backs in the school corridor.(notice the non-princess treatment). After three trips, the fourth was my turn, and the boy intentionally passed so close to the wall that it scrapped the skin of off my hand. I only remember screaming so loud, seeing pink on my hand, then red, oozing red. I still have the scar on my right hand. The teacher looked at my hand one time, and said,

https://opinionated.co.ke/single.php?id=28

And then, we grew up!

Writing and being consistent has been tedious for me, today I didn’t wanna write but I had to. Its like adulting, but waay easier. Adulting ( this is not even a real word btw) as we all love to put it, is a trap but to me it’s more of a robber.The whole growing up process is a well planned and excellently executed robbery. And the fact that we all wanted to grow up makes me nostalgic and nauseuos at the same time, just take me back.

Take me back to a time when I would yell and titties would appear, to a time when I would just lift my hands and someone would pick me up and swirl me around.When everyone would touch my cheeks, stare into my eyes and call me adorable.When females would itch to carry me and others wish for a baby of their own. How glorious those times were.

https://opinionated.co.ke/single.php?id=27

Quinta columna.

Coined in the 1930’s and popularised during the world war II the above phrase calls out snitches and disloyal
Acquiantances.It is french for “fifth column”.Which is an invisible column, but don’t you worry, around here, we make the invisible visible.
Let me give you a little backstory.
When America and Britain went to war ,they both deployed  their millitaries for the job.Among the deployed soldiers who always matched in four columns was a fifth column, the nazis.These people dressed like soldiers, talked like soldiers trained  like soldiers and true to their acts , they were soldiers but they work

https://opinionated.co.ke/single.php?id=26

Yes sir, I’m fine

Pc:Instagram

My shirt, Gikomba.

Yours Yves St. Laurent- but I’m fine

My trouser, crimplene-on khaki

Yours, English wool-but sir, I’m fine

My Education, Nil

Yours, honors and honorary-but sir I’m fine

My meals, constant limited menus

Yours, five courses, candle-lit- but sir I’m fine

My shelters, ten feet by ten feet

Yours, uptown, split level ten-room-but sir I’m fine

My transport, weary legs

Yours, 3-5 litre 2 m.p.g-but sir I’m fine

I see you in my sweat absorbed

To water the seeds of development,

Your development

In you and yours

I see my taxes and my Harambee contributions

But need I complain?

Did I not cast my vote??

In the true spirit of democracy to afford you, your one way ticket to affluence??

My daughter, your maid-tells me you are doing fine

And I’m happy

My uncle, your cook-tells me you are doing fine

And I’m happy

My niece, your mistress-tells me you are doing fine

For what you take from me

You give back to mine

And I feel proud to contribute

To my relation’s survival

Through you

Next time you take from me,

For I have heard of your scheduled church fundraising meeting

Do me a favour,

SACK MY RELATIVES!

And get someone else’s

For we have taken our share and more

For we have learnt the tricks of the trade

Take another and educate them on the viles of “maendeleo”

You have elevated this family

And we appreciate

Otherwise, sir

I’m fine

This poem has been reiterated as a result of all the shittery going on in this country, 2020 is around the corner, ACT ACCORDINGLY!

Poems from Kenya: Author Luvai

Baba yoyo.

“Where did you find this book?” My mum asked. I just stood there staring at her, as if I am not allowed to find books especially the ones I had stolen from her.I did not feel the need to answer.

“Is it labelled?”, she says as she peruses through the pages, ofcourse it wasn’t labelled, no name no nothing. That’s what caught my eye , that’s why it….Continued in the blog💃💃💃💃💃….

https://opinionated.co.ke/single.php?id=24

Things everyone hates about you.

Before we go any further, let me confess, I stole this title from a television series and switched it up a bit. It came out in 1999, a year after I was born, and a young Gabriel Union stars in it (see why I like it). Now that we are being honest, let’s get to the chief objective.I am not only going to be blunt but also brutal.

I am a lover, of food , of words, of acts but on the contrary I am also a hater of a whole lot of things, things that people do. I know you do too. Let’s talk about how you rumble non-stop at the cinemas or during movie nights, how you update us on the next move, how you ask endless questions. No one cares if you have watched the movie before or if you are watching it for the 100th time just shut up! Keep mum, that way you might be invited to the next hangout.

Let’s unmask the way you like humblebragging, oh! you do that a lot, disguising it in the ‘blessings’ bracket. Showing us the thin line between blessings and testimonies. Quoting prices, namedropping on who you hang out with, which big name you have access to. Again, no one gives two shits about that .Get a hold of yourself.

I loathe that you overuse the word ‘creepy’, using this word is almost as fun as using the word ‘fuck’. But when you use it to describe homeless people, street kids, people with disability or people who have no means to defend themselves then you’ve turned one of my favourite words into a joke, and that’s not cool…

I hate that you google everything and now you think you are an intellectual. I adore google, how lucky are we to have information on our fingertips?. But goodness, stop discrediting people who have actually put in hours of work and research by thinking you are more learned than everyone else, a proffesor on matters medicine if I may. Just because you read one wiki article doesn’t make you socrates.

I am absolutely disgusted by the fact that you speak in acronyms. They are cool and they tend to save time, but every word?? Especially those ‘hbd’ ones…really people? Really? It actually sounds more like STD…and birthdays come once a year it would not kill you to type the whole damn thing. Stop making other people feel guilty for not being up to date with the latest non-words.

I hate that you as an employer is looking for interns AKA ‘charity workers’ with a master’s degree, tonnes of experience, skills of an avatar, ability to bark at a moment’s notice and still be able to do extra hours. P.S slavery was made illegal in 1865. I am also aware that you like reffering to generation z, as the lazy generation, the one that wants to be spoonfed but atleast be realistic.

Stop acting too nice, its annoying, it is creepy ( this is a perfect instance to use the word) and very stressful. First off because I honestly cannot figure out why you are acting so nice. Do you want something from me? Are you deprived of attention? Do you have esteem issues?? And stop calling me babe, we just met.

I hate the fact that you keep asking questions about me, my whereabouts , my hobbies yet you haven’t uttered a word about yourself.This one actually goes both ways, also don’t go on and on about yourself without giving the other party a listening ear. You should probably take turn taking classes (see what I did there, no?? Okay)

We can all try to be better humans, It can be done, stop being such an inconsiderate and ignorant mass of cells.

UPDATE: The  television series is called, ‘ten things I hate about you’ it does not actually end, it gets cancelled after the first season.Another thing I hate.

The eff in feminism.

Pc: instagram

Its farmday today, this is day where I get to catch up with my friends as we work on our kasmal kagarden. I purposefully left my phone at home just to see if I could survive a day without touching it.We had very loud arguments about relationships, kuomoka, religion and finally feminism.The latter was the loudest, the bitterest and one which I was most vocal and passionate about.

The guys started with the most famous case of the girl who sued two rugby players for rape, and how the internet went crazy with the #metoo movement. They then went ahead to make their point that the law is always on the girl’s side in matters rape, domestic violence blah blah blah. I countered this with, the law will always follow the stats and if the stats state that in every 3 girls who are involved in coitus one is most likely raped, then without a doubt that is what judgement will be based on ofcourse with other issues like precedence and evidence.

Then we came to matters victimhood, where the most renowned feminists have to pull this card to garner favours or go aheads. Where anything and everything happening has to be connected to feminism and how females are undermined and how they need to stand up for themselves even when they are required to sit. How females will always play victim and take advantage of the fact that everyone is rooting for them.

On matters governance, the guys were very apt to highlight how we have women representatives but we will always have charity fundraisers to buy pads for the girlchild. It honestly could be easier if those women reps would make propsitions for decommercialisation ( this is not a real word but issa free world ey!)of sanitary towels and make them easily available just like condoms. How we still have slots for salaried nominees who literally play the role of substitutes in a game. But atleast substitutes step in at some point.

.

Pc: instagram

We argued a little bit on the the schooling system, how females get to join campus with lower cluster points, how females are congratulated and rewarded for studying and attending school (college will show different stats). How when a female comes out and talks about her trauma or rape she is considered strong whereas on the other side the guy is considered weak. How we want equal opportunities and chances but will not blink an eye at equal responsibility.

How a guy working at a fast food restaurant is considered a failure but if it were a female she could be called strong and independent and if she is a single mum with a son the better. How we applaud women for literally existing.How we will always call our mothers strong and our fathers hardworking.

Yes, boys and men also get raped,they get sidelined, they get rejected, their world constantly needs them to prove themselves as strong.But you don’t see boys and men going around telling everyone how they should be perceived just because they were born male. The only difference is that the girlchild’s plight is being addressed every now and then, making the boychild’s plight inexistent. Journalists will tell you, that tragic stories sell more and if its about a girl, voila! Jackpot!

Don’t get me wrong, I am a feminist always have been, always will be. I also know that women also face their own challenges and I fully support any intitative that encourages women  to grow beyond their wildest dreams. But are we doing this at the cost of the boychild? Is there no other way? Can’t we all make progress without admonishing  the other gender? Someone told me that feminism is already a lost cause if we fight for opportunities and sleep on them. And I totally agree.

Pc.instagram

I am writing this using my phone, so no, I can’t survive a day without using this metallic thing.